TW: Mention of Suicide
“I want someone to rely on. I need to feel the emotional stability I always craved for.”
These were the words coming from someone who has always been there for everyone, who has been a confidant, a pillar for his family, and above all – a listener. This is the story of Aamod Karmaksh, who despite feeling the unimaginable hurdles and pain, still has a smile on his face and confidence in his voice.
Twenty-seven-year-old Aamod is an assistant professor of Architecture and inspires many students daily. Born and brought up in Bihar, Aamod is the youngest of all the siblings. Since childhood, Aamod has been a calm and quiet individual who has many friends, but a few close ones, owing to his fear of being judged. Aamod describes himself as someone who is not necessarily very secretive, but someone who is very selective. No one can truly understand what’s going on in Aamod’s mind until he decides to tell others. Despite having so much self-clarity, Aamod was lacking the emotional connection.
Due to this, Aamod has been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for the last five-six years. He first encountered an anxiety episode while he was pursuing his bachelors at MNIT Jaipur but didn’t seek any help from any expert, once again when he encountered the same while pursuing masters at IIT Roorkee. YourDOST is IIT Roorkee’s emotional wellness partner and so, it was easy for Aamod to reach out to YourDOST and seek help. Though he had undergone two-three counseling sessions, he did not continue it and let life run its course.
Almost four years ago, Aamod got into a relationship with one of his students and thought to himself, “Finally, there is someone who loves me unconditionally”. Things were going smoothly until the Covid-19 pandemic was at its peak and the nationwide lockdown was imposed. Aamod was barely ready to let go of someone, but then something happened in his life which changed his perspective entirely.
“After months of battling diabetes and kidney problems, my father passed away, leaving me and my family members behind. I was the youngest amongst all the siblings, still, I had to be the most responsible one.”
Aamod, who never felt heard and supported throughout his life was given the responsibility of taking care of his entire family. He was overwhelmed, but not alone. Aamod was happy to have his girlfriend by his side. Aamod helped his girlfriend secure an internship and he too got a job in Mumbai – in hopes of staying close to each other.
Simultaneously, he also got job opportunities from two different institutes. To embrace his happily ever after, Aamod decided to secure his job, and be close to his girlfriend too.
Aamod had left his home and mother with a heavy heart, and soon after shifting to Mumbai, he realised that his girlfriend was not acting how she used to.
A day’s behaviour change turned into months and Aamod’s girlfriend decided to break up with him. The only companion Aamod had, the only emotional support he had was now gone. To cope with the losses, Aamod tried to talk to many friends and felt good for the time being but he soon realised that nobody is following up with him, again, leaving him all alone.
“In a span of some months, I lost my father, my girlfriend and many of my close friends. I tried to talk to my girlfriend after some time, but she humiliated me and looked down on me. I felt extremely suicidal at that time.”
Amidst all the negativity and helplessness, one night, Aamod decided to end his life by committing suicide. Sitting in his room, he saw the fan and a piece of cloth and decided to put an end to his life. He was about to do the unspeakable, but the little voice inside his head stopped him and he rushed out of the room. Aamod called the suicide helpline number, somehow calmed himself down but he knew that it’s high time he seeks help.
“I always advise people to seek counseling, if need be. So when I knew I needed counseling, I didn’t think twice. I reached out to YourDOST without any second thoughts.”
Aamod got connected with Dr Nikita Agarwal, a counselor from YourDOST and started his counseling journey. He poured his heart out in front of Nikita and for the first time, Aamod felt heard. He appreciated Nikita for being very patient with him and for lending him an ear. With suggestions from Nikita on how to control anger and panic attacks through breathing techniques.
Nikita helped Aamod untangle his thoughts and he feels like his life is sorted now! Aamod has also become more confident than before and he has quit his drinking habits entirely. For Aamod, Nikita acted like a friend and a true supporter. On a scale of 1-5, Aamod rates himself at 4.5 in terms of feeling better.
Aamod has fought many battles in the past couple of years, but with the confidence and positive changes he has brought in his life through deeply looking into himself and his expectations, he has reached levels he’d never imagined!
From all of us at YourDOST, Aamod, you are not only the hero of your own life but a true inspiration of many others!
Aamod’s Warrior Tips:
1. If we do not feel so scared when we have a common cold, why do we need to feel scared if we seek a counselor then?
2. Always get an expert opinion. Getting your thoughts sorted can help enrich our work life and personal life too.
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
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