Painting and reading, hobbies that are most commonly heard, weren’t really so common for Ankit. Yes, born and raised in Lucknow, this 21 year old B.Sc graduate from Lucknow University, decided to pick these hobbies as a distraction to manage his porn addiction.
“It all started when I was in 8th standard. I discovered porn and slowly it became a habit to watch it everyday.”
As time passed, Ankit didn’t realize that five to six years had passed since he’d started watching porn and masturbating. As someone who’d once been a topper in Physics and scored 96 out of 100, Ankit recalls how his habit of watching porn started affecting his academics.
“Once during his semester exams, I didn’t want to study as he couldn’t focus. By the time I realized I’ve wasted time, it was too late and I failed.”
It was when pandemic and the ensuing lockdown hit us that Ankit found time to self-reflect. He could see that he hadn’t done anything in the past 5 years towards his health or goals. He soon started to feel low and self-critical.
“I was battling everyday to quit watching porn but I failed. Each time I failed, it affected me. I thought I wasn’t doing anything productive with my life. Even when I went out with friends, they’d ask me why I seem so low.”
Ankit started seeing his porn addiction as a curse. He wanted to stop and thought maybe sharing about it with his best friend might help. However, his friend’s response only left him hanging with uncertainty.
“My friend said watching porn was normal but he didn’t know that it was not in limit for me.”
Kudos to Ankit’s willpower for wanting to overcome his porn addiction, he decided to manage it on his own. He started watching Ted Talks, videos and even writing positive affirmations in his diary such as not using his phone.
“Managing on my own wasn’t easy. I can’t avoid phones forever. Something would pop up on social media and trigger me to watch porn. The highest I went without watching porn was for 10 days but I wanted more.”
It was around this time that Ankit’s friend turned out to be a savior. He got a call from her one night before his exam and when she found his voice all low and sad, she couldn’t help but ask. It was then when Ankit opened up to her and found out about YourDOST.
“She’s very rational so I shared my problems with her. She said it’s normal but since I was exceeding it, I might need professional help. She helped me with the full procedure of booking a session on YourDOST.”
Although help has only an ask away now for Ankit, he still wasn’t ready given the taboo attached to porn in India. While he’d thought of talking to a doctor about it, imagining himself discussing about porn addiction face to face would make him awkward. That’s when he found convenience in YourDOST.
Although help has only an ask away now for Ankit, he still wasn’t ready given the taboo attached to porn in India. While he’d thought of talking to a doctor about it, imagining himself discussing about porn addiction face to face would make him awkward. That’s when he found convenience in YourDOST.
“At YourDOST, there was an option to chat and then if I’m comfortable, I could move to audio/video so that was convenient.”
Talking about his first counseling sessions, Ankit recalls being hesitant to share about such an issue but he also remembers being grateful to his expert, Kailash Pawar for making him feel comfortable.
It was around this time when Ankit’s perspective transformed from seeing his habit of watching porn wrong to seeing his mindset towards him wrong.
“We had about 3 sessions and the first thing my counselor said was that masturbation is natural and good occasionally. I learned the difference between conditional and natural arousal and Kailash said all I need to do is focus on the latter.”
From here, it’s only a road to improvement for Ankit. For the next 3 months, he plans to work on reducing his frequency of watching porn and giving only into natural arousal. The good part is Ankit has already started finding ways to distract himself by picking new hobbies such as acrylic painting and reading books.
“I’m currently building hobbies like acrylic paintings and reading. Recently I finished my first book, ‘Can’t Hurt Me’ by David Goggins. “
The new hobbies have shined new confidence upon Ankit. After finishing his first art recently, he feels he can do anything and indeed he can. Alongside, his new interests are into famous books like Atomic Habits, Ikigai etc.
“I’m in a better place now. My frequency of watching porn and masturbating has gone down. It’s not over yet since I’m still in therapy.”
When you start looking forward to something with excitement, you know it’s working for you and Ankit knows this. He curiously looks forward to connecting with Kailash and calls being helped by a complete stranger as the best part about therapy.
“There were times I felt low but I knew what Kailash had taught so I managed on my own.”
This only shows that Ankit’s improvement is for good and he’s clearly a 4 on the scale of 1 to 5 of feeling better. To those struggling to rise back from several attempts, Ankit says,
“If you’re trying and failing again and again, then definitely reach out to someone who can help you in that field.”
Ankit’s Warrior Tips:
1. Be patient about the process, love it and you’ll see the result.
2. Don’t assume and let an expert help you see how big the problem is.
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