Natasha D’Souza, originally from Mangalore, is 22 years old and is awaiting her final semester at the National Institute of Fashion Technology, Bangalore, for a Bachelor’s degree in textile design.
Natasha spent her childhood living outside India with her parents. As an only child, she always got all the attention and remembered her days as filled with fun. Natasha says she was also close only to her parents as they lived away from all her relatives growing up.
“I value my parents the most, and to meet their expectations, I grew up as a perfectionist. Good grades weren’t enough; I always needed the top grade.”
Natasha had diverse interests as a kid, from archaeology to astronomy. In her fifth grade, she found her love for fashion when she spent all her free time drawing dresses. Natasha elaborates, saying that she even used to draw on the question papers in the exam hall during school. Apart from fashion, Natasha plays piano and reads novels in her leisure time.
Natasha returned to India during tenth grade. Since then, the difference in the curriculum has become a challenge for her, and when she moved to Bangalore for her undergraduate studies, she felt more pressured, says Natasha.
She explained that she had a feeling that she needed therapy from her first year, but since it was pandemic time, the college’s in-house counsellors weren’t available. After a few months, she immediately booked a session when she received an e-mail regarding NIFT’s tie-up with YourDOST.
“The first session, I was nervous and awkward as I didn’t know how it worked, but the counselor explained everything to me, and it sounded systematic, which felt convincing for me to continue.”
Natasha adds that she intended to disclose everything she felt from her first session, as Natasha started believing it could help her definitively. She explains that she felt very comfortable during the following sessions with the counselors, Ms Maria Shantharaj and Ms Shravya Devadhar.
Natasha elucidates that the sessions helped her reflect on her situations in college. She was slowly finding her reasons for the pressure she felt in college.
“I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to academics. I kept high standards regarding grades and criticised myself too hard when I couldn’t achieve high scores. Along with that, I started having issues with my friends, too. College life started becoming traumatising with both of these issues.”
Natasha explains that she met one of her best friends in her first year of college, and they had many misunderstandings, which became the root cause of her trust issues. She adds that she wanted to drop out of college because she didn’t want to face her best friend or academic challenges.
“When people expect something from me, I used to feel obligated to meet them. Abroad, the education system was easy for me to tackle, but when I couldn’t provide the same results in India, I felt like a failure.”
Natasha describes that she began to self-doubt and felt insecure. She couldn’t handle the stress and felt desperate for help, as she wasn’t on good terms with her friend either.
Therapy gave her an open space, as Natasha felt reserved about telling the people around her. She also adds that her parents couldn’t understand what she was going through, as they thought it was a necessary struggle to succeed academically.
“My parents think that even though they have gone through stress during their college times, it was normal, and my friends, who were under pressure too, were self – psychoanalysing, which I felt wasn’t healthy. Between these, I made a conscious decision to prioritise my mind and continued therapy.”
As the session went on, Natasha says that she realised that her patterns of anxiety associated with being a perfectionist and a people-pleaser started in childhood when she wanted to impress her parents. She started working on those patterns using the techniques taught in therapy.
Natasha’s counselor asked her to consciously identify and pay attention to her thoughts to prevent burnout. This helped Natasha point out the things that bothered her throughout the years. She was also told to practice being assertive to the people she finds a threat, and Natasha adds that she is still working on it on her part.
Her counselor also encouraged her habits of poetry writing and suggested meditation to help her with her anxiety issues. Natasha explains that her counselor was very adaptive as she was provided alternative activities when one didn’t work out.
“Both the counselors have been beneficial. While one went for an empathetic way, the other used a systematic way. Both the methods brought me a lot of progress.”
Natasha feels she can get through each day, holding onto the hope and faith that she can work on herself through her therapy sessions every Friday.
“I have started being assertive and communicating better. It is not a lot, but progress doesn’t have to be dramatic; even a subtle and slow change is progress.”
Natasha explains that she feels better equipped to handle or adjust to a difficult situation. She adds that instead of trying to quit college or avoid conflicts with friends, Natasha realised she had to deal with them to put them behind her. She says that she has even made peace with her best friend, and they have found a way to understand each other better.
“I have never been more grateful to anyone than my counselors. Without them, I wouldn’t be where I am now, and we need more people like them.”
Natasha expressed that she was glad she had the chance to seek help. As she continues her process, she rates herself 2.5 out of 5 in terms of Improvement.
“The way I see it, Improvement is not always about positive results daily; it is having the strength to move ahead even when we spiral back to square one.”
We are genuinely proud of Natasha’s optimistic approach and believe that she will achieve her goals with therapy as her safe space.
Natasha’s Warrior Tips:
1.“Always keep an open mind when seeking help. Whether it works or not, you will be satisfied that you tried.”
2.“In society, we try to be collective even when things get challenging. The beauty of counseling is that we can be as vulnerable as we want.”
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