Funny Cow Jokes
1. What did the cow say when the farmer pulled its tail?
How diary!
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2. Why are cows, such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
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3. What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings?
Cow-moo-flauged.
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4. What did the cow tell the butcher?
Please stop, or else we’re gonna have some beef.
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5. What is a cow’s favorite magazine?
Moogue.
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6. Where would you find a cow who’s having a really bad day?
At McDonald’s.
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7. When one cow said “Mooo!” to the other, what was the second cow’s reply?
“I was going to say that!”.
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8. What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
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9. Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk!
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10. What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime!
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11. What did the cow say to its therapist?
“I feel seen but not herd.”
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12. What’s an unusual way to make a milkshake?
Give a cold cow a pogo stick.
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13. What would happen if you tried talking to a cow?
Everything would just go in one ear and out the udder.
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14. What would you get if you cross an angry sheep and a grumpy cow?
An animal that’s totally in a baaaaaad moooood.
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15. Why did the artist love painting cows?
They said they were its moos.
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16. Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Their horns don’t work.
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17. What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
Roost beef.
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18. What do you call a momma cow who’s just given birth?
Decalfinated.
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19. Where do cow farts come from?
Their dairy-ère.
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20. What do you call a group of cows with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
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21. What kind of lunch meat do cows like best?
A bull-ogna.
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22. Where did the cow spend all its money?
At the cow-sino.
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23. Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold out?
To keep each udder warm!
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24. What would you get if you milked a really forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia.
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25. Who’s in charge of the dairy operations?
The cow-ptain.
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26. Why won’t cows join the police force?
They refuse to participate in steak-outs.
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27. Can you make money owning cows?
Yes, I’ve herd it’s really profitable.
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28. What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky.
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29. What animal goes “oom, oom”?
A cow walking backward.
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30. Why couldn’t the two cows get along?
Because they had beef with one another.
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31. What did the cow say when the bull broke up with her?
Without you, I’ll never be whole milk again!
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32. What would you call a cow wearing armor?
Sir Loin.
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33. What is a cow’s dream job?
Being an udder cover agent.
Dumb Cow Jokes
34. Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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35. What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?
“I am not amoosed.”
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36. What do you call a scared cow?
A cow-ard.
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37. What is a cow’s favorite color?
Marooooooon.
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38. Where would you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
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39. How would you address the queen of cows?
Your Moojesty.
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40. Why don’t cows have money?
Because the farmers keep draining them dry.
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41. Why do cows want to see Times Square?
Because it’s in Moo York City.
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42. How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down!
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43. What did the cow say before making a risky poker bet?
The steaks have never been higher.
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44. Why did the cow jump over the moon?
They thought the mooooon was calling them.
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45. What song do cows love to sing?
I’ve got the mooooves like Jagger.
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46. How do cows introduce their wives?
Hey guys! Meat Patty.
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47. What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk?
An udder failure.
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48. What would feed a bratty cow?
Spoiled milk.
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49. What do you call a cruel cow?
A de-moooon.
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50. What did one cow say to the other on a cold night?
“I don’t really know about you, but I’m Fresian.”
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51. Why are cows always telling each other jokes?
To keep themselves amoosed!
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52. What do you call a cow after an earthquake?
A milkshake.
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53. What do you call a cow on a diet?
Lean beef.
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54. Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes?
He kept butchering every one.
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55. What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn?
They beefed up their security.
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56. What do you use to count cows?
A cow-culator.
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57. Why is telling a cow a funny cow joke pointless?
They’ve probably herd it before.
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58. What do you call a magic cow?
Moo-dini.
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59. Where do Russian cows come from?
Mos-cow.
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60. What happened when the cow ran into the fence?
It was udderly destructed.
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61. Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farm-acy.
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62. Where do young cows eat lunch?
At the calf-eteria.
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63. What happens when a cow has PMS?
It gets moo-dy.
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64. How does lady gaga usually like her steak?
Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw!
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65. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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66. What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
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67. What math problems do cows like to solve?
Moo-tiplication problems.
Your Turn!
Hopefully, you enjoyed these udderly hilarious cow jokes!
No one had beef with these clean jokes, right?
Now, we would love to hear from you!
What are your favorite cow jokes?
Let us know in the comments!
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